Things we never say
It is funny how Malta girl says I restored her faith in male female ever after love because she restored my faith in friendship… just she destroyed my faith in ever after love.. she treated me like a yoyo.. one day she was into me and the next she was not… over and over she did this… I wish I had the heart to describe in detail the words she said and then how she took it away.. I don’t blame her… I blame myself… see in the end she gave the next guy everything I wanted… everything every other guy gets but me… and I can’t tell her how that broke me… how it confirmed inside me that I do not deserve love… that when you see others get what you should have it proves that you are not worth that… we are friends yes… but friends is all I will ever be with anyone.. I will never let another person hug me.. I will never kiss another person, hold another person…. I simple will never believe I am worth love… I will never let myself dare to think I am worth love… cause my life has told me I am not worth that…. evidence is to overwhelming… I just need to get enough money together to leave this place edmonton… buy a small house… and disapear… because when I am gone I shall never return… I shall never write.. I shall never call… I will just fade into the nothing I am…. maybe then I can simply forget I ever existed because when I pray it is that I pray for.. to never have been…
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