Hard truths
In the recent post I talked about how being a yoyo was the reason I will never let myself close to someone and it is not…. she was a yoyo because she sensed in me a need she could never fill.. I needed love too much.. I needed her too much… and it wasn’t fair… if my heart was like the knights of the round table then all she could be.. all love of another should have to be is lancelot….my problem is I don’t have the other knights… the things life was suppose to give me it did not… see I suffer from depression.. a chemical imbalance in my brain…emotion for me is a million times stronger than the average person.. the ups and downs makeme a person you do not want to love because it is too much drama… it is not her fault I am this way but genetics… see sometimes when you are weak you need to put the blame on someone else because you can’t carry the wieght yourself.. the reality is you should not date until you get to the point that you know you will be ok without her… and I have never reached that point in my life…I have always needed love too much… and I needed it when I was younger… my father was a joke… he fucked up what was a family once upon a time… me I know if I were to let myself love again it might destroy me for good again.. each time I get my heart broken I turn more and more inwards.. I push more people away… I have lost so much in my life I just never want to lose more and love for me is the thing that causes me to lose so much… I am not sad… and maybe I am but it is about survival.. people like to tell themselves that there is someone for everyone and maybe they are right but you only get that if you are ok inside and I have met two girls I would of married.. I would of been happy with but the undeniable truth is I have never been ok with me… it is rarely about the other person.. it is about us.. about being able to look into ones soul and being honest with onesself.. if I truly love someone then I cannot ask them to love me.. it is unfair… and so even though you might disagree I shall never venture down that path again… I have a simple dream.. only one dream and that is to move to malta… to walk with a friend every once in while and talk of god, of life… that for me is the happily ever after I want… so if you want to help add my application http://cybersweetness.com to your facebook profile.. subscribe to my videos at http://youtube.com/igebadia buy a set of gebacards at http://gebacards.com or give me $10 000….lol or simply remember to love and cherish those around you… stand up for those who have less.. but never feel sorry for me… gebalove is my place to get rid of my pain.. to put my fears, my doubts, the illigcal emotional pain we all go through… unlike most people I simply give it to the world…. there are millions of people who have things far worse than me.. I simply have the ability to articulate the insanity of the heart.. and I chose this life because right now it is all I can do…
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